just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
