Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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