the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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