why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
