glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
