Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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