Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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