I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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