i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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