know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
