Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
