one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
