I am puke
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
