worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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