two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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