im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
