I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
