i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
