there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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