So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
