new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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