why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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