absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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