if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
