Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
