oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
