I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
