I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
