I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
