I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
