just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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