Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
