We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
