He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
