That's when you crack a 10am beer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
