He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
