Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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