I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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