it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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