when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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