You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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