how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
