i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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