This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
