Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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