If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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