your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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