Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
