dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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