hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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