i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
