You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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