Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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