that's an acceptable place to lick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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