Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
