Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
