Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
