Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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