New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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