Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
