If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well you can't waste a boner
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
