good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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