The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
